a sad awakening

May 12, 2008 at 12:21 am (Uncategorized)

 

It’s been awhile again…Hasn’t it? I don’t know why I just can’t manage to post on a regular basis like I used to? I think a lot of it stems from the fact that I just don’t have time or I always choose to forgo writing time during the day….But, now that summer is approaching,  I will try to pick this back up again. Those who need to write, should write…it is part of our humanity to express and grapple with the thoughts on our minds…

 

Today is Mother’s Day!!! Happy Mother’s Day!! With the little money that my sisters and I scrapped together, we managed to buy my mom purple flowers and my little sister and I bought a wooden plaque and wrote Best Mom! in all different paint colors – blues, pinks, oranges, and greens. Although every year my mom insists that she DOES NOT WANT anything – we continually buy/make her things each and every year…Who, may I ask, does not like receiving gifts? My point exactly. J

 

 

What’s new with your life? Nothing really here. I don’t know what to say. For the first time I am at loss for words!!! What to do! What to say! Let’s see….Ummm….

 

The other day D and I were driving to dinner and we passed the cemetery in which his Nonna was buried. “Angela take a left here,” he said and left no question about it. My stomach was growling but when I realized I was entering a cemetery it suddenly dropped. I drove through the empty little roads, and I felt as though I was breaking in on holy ground…

 

“Stop the car here!” I made a stop under the most beautiful dogwood tree that was just coming to full blossom. When I got out of my car and looked up into the umbrella of pinkness I smiled in relief. If could end up buried anywhere in the entire world, it would be here, under this tree… “Angela, come on! It’s over here.”

 

I followed him past scores of graves, some that were magnificent crosses and others that were tiny and almost hidden in the grass…For some reason I was scared, and my heart started to race. I wanted to leave. I didn’t like this place.

As D walked further and further in the cemetery, I was struck by a feeling of loss that I didn’t know what to do with. I didn’t know what to do with that feeling, the feeling that someday none of us – none of my family would exist…that we would be buried underground and never eat another meal together or take another vacation or go pumpkin picking or go hunting for Christmas trees in Silvermine’s farm….

 

I tried to push these thoughts out of my mind as I wandered around and admired the bright, sunny afternoon. D lead me to the grave of his Nonna, and when he reached it, he knelt and touched the gravestone – the side that was his Nonna’s (his Nonna has his place ready next to her)…and he murmured some words that only I could hear. A tear slowly fell down my cheek and then another followed. I tried to hide my sadness and when he looked up at me, I only smiled. I could tell his eyes were wet.

 

“Come on, Angela, let’s go,” but the strange part was that I wanted to stay and listen for just a little longer. There was something that Nonna was trying to tell us, and I wanted to sit and listen to her for awhile longer. He continued to plead as though there was a wild dog after us or something. “Let’s go!”

 

“Alright…” I examined her grave on last time before we headed off to the dogwood tree and the car.

 

 

 

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1 Comment

  1. TheElementary said,

    What a sad moment this must have been. You express it well but it’s so difficult when we feel lost and don’t know what to do next. Feelings come from nowhere…and take over our lives sometimes.
    I find old graveyards incredibly lonely, more than newer ones. I don’t know why- something about those long-dead people being forgotten, I imagine.

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