i’m done

May 5, 2008 at 1:45 am (Uncategorized)

I moved out of my apartment today. Not because I wanted to but simply because I had to. There was no other choice then to leave that place and this phase in my life. I need to get away from my school before I burst and explode. Beside a few friends and my professors (including hobgoblin, of courseJ), I desperately want to leave and get away from all this drama. I have been interrogated for the past couple of weeks and I can’t take it anymore, I can’t take the pain and torment and depression that it fills my heart. Because this is such an unnecessary nuisance in my life. There are helpless people dying in Darfur and yet these people are concerned about a stupid no-trespassing warrant that should never had been issued in the first place. I stand for justice and what I am facing is UNJUST, yet I am being punished by the university and my peers for it. My mother told me WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? I have always been good to other people and what in the world did I do to deserve such spite from others?


I hated going back there. I hated the dim lighting and how my roommate’s blonde hair would always cling to my things.  I hated her bouts her silence and how that angry glare of hers that made my insides shiver and cold. I hated that way she spoke to me as though she knew and I didn’t. Maybe that’s why I was never around. Maybe that’s why I purposely slept in other’s people’s places just to get away. Away from that hell. Away from that dark chamber that was always so cold that I needed a heavy sweater. Away from the blank walls and her perfect way of things. Away – faraway from all that mess!!!  


Last night, I broke the rules, probably for the first time in my life, and I decided to resign from my position as an RA at my school. But, I take responsibility for my own actions and I will take whatever punishment there may in front of me. The thing is that the whole issue is pathetic – pathetic!!! And I don’t think it is justifiable and so I guess you could say that I am rebelling against what society claims is right and true. For the first time in my life – I realize now more than ever—I finally ACTED. There are no more Joe Christmas’s in my closet (sorry I could think of no better representation)—I am not running in circles – I am free. It’s a hard world and we hard fragile creatures – so freedom is there but it always overshadowed by our minds and other people who try to snatch it away.


So, I called my mom last night and she was surprisingly sympathetic, there was no yelling and screaming but only a quiet calmness.

“Mom, I’m in trouble,” silence ensued for what seemed like minutes.

“What happened?” And I began telling her my saga and she said nothing just that she had enough of this and that I was leaving in the morning. “I’ll be there at 8,” I felt so relived. Finally someone had an answer!!! I thought I would be the happiest person in the world once I set foot out of that horrible, dreary place that I could never quite call home.


So while my evil roommate was sleeping or pretending to sleep my mom cleared out my apartment. As I took down all my posters and paintings, I realized that the walls were consumed by an overwhelming sense of whiteness – what hell might look like, I though. Her life was plain and simple and nothing on the walls was hers. By the time all my stuff – including my bookcase, my reading chair, and my flowers — was moved out, the room was bare and empty. Nothing remained but blue tacky stuff on the walls and lone tacks, but I felt sorry for her. I could never live in such an empty, lonely place in which not even the windows shed light. A place without books – oh what a dismal place! My mom suggested that I leave a note, but I didn’t want to. “She’ll figure it out,” I said. Someone who betrays you like that doesn’t deserve any goodbye.


After we loaded the car to maximum capacity, we sped away as we listened to the things in cardboard boxes ringing in the backseat. I enjoyed the silence and I didn’t want to disrupt it with anything. I had peace again. It felt good.


1 Comment

  1. TheElementary said,

    Good for you. Sometimes you just have to get away, out of there. I always like to read an escape story. I have some of my own. It’s good, at times, to walk or run away from people that don’t understand us…

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