i’m back! read me

April 27, 2008 at 4:37 am (Uncategorized)

I’m not going to write too much here because I’m tired. But tonight I felt a compulsion to write and so I simply am.

 

There’s a lot to what goes into a life. There’s betrayal. There’s backstabbing people who see you in the hallway and nod as though they know. There’s administration who thinks they know you but they really don’t. And then there’s the people who try to understand and try to give me the right advice, when in fact they don’t know me or my FRIENDS at all. I hate people who try and ACT like they KNOW – I’m sorry if this sounds like an obnoxious rant, but I honestly feel so twisted inside, and I have to get this out somehow. So many things have happened to me this semester, so many things that I can never reveal here and to the world.

 

Let’s just say that I have experienced a new type of life. One in which includes love and yet so much fighting and arguing. What is love anyway? I wonder. How do you know for sure what love is? I discovered this love for the first time in my life last night.

 

All of a sudden D seemed to go cold. I touched his face and called his name but he didn’t respond. I tried to push him to wake him up but he only fell over the mattress helplessly, as though he was paralyzed. I was so shocked and scared. I didn’t know what to do. So I did what my instincts told me to. I scooped him up from the ground and rocked him in my arms. “D! D!” I shouted. “Come back! Come back!” And in a few moments I had nursed him back to life. His eyes slowly opened and he looked at me with those dove-shaped eyes of his, and I started to cry. I knew what love meant at that precise moment. All of our memories together came flooding through my mind. Those long, cold nights on the phone at home. That day eating past with his Nonno. That time we made chicken cutlet and tomato salad with too much garlic. That time we went wrote our names in gigantic letters in the sand. That time he picked a flower from a Dogwood tree and gently stuck it behind my ear. That time he wanted to draw me. That time we danced in my little apartment to Eric Clapton’s “You look wonderful tonight.” That time I first met him – all of these memories were all racing through my mind and though I tried to control them, I realized that I didn’t want to try. I wanted them to linger there, because I didn’t want to lose what we had created.

 

What is love? I ask myself now. Love is just Love. It can only be explained through memory and precise moments which bring us closest to another person. So close that we only want to breathe their air, and we only want to hear their voice, and smell their skin. What do you think?

 

 

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